You go on a group trip to Seabreeze Amusement Park, home of odorous winds not from the sea, but from the polluted southern shores of Lake Ontario as well as screaming families having a great time! in your face. You manage to drag your best friend along with this bait: you might meet some boys, and that is one of the prime objectives of your teenage experience. Surprisingly, two 19-year-old Seabreeze employees, both named Chris, abandon their jobs and wander over to you two. A double-date on the Gyrosphere (where they play TECHNO!!! and spin you around in pairs) ensues, as does much groping by the boys.

When the fun trip os over, you get on the bus with your comrades, and all the other teenage goody-goodys are squealing about your Great Boy Luck and all that codependent garbage. You remain silent and begin quietly plotting your escape from this cult of purity. Hey--they didn't help you out any, and you KNOW that you've only just begun to interact with other humans. Your day will come when you are not under their wing, and if it's your way, it'll be as soon as possible.

Your best friend, however, is taking a ride home from Chris #2, as she seems to prefer his puffy brown hair and slight smell of grease to singing on the bus. Imagine.

To try to build your escape around the church, try this.

To get in the car with complete stranger Chris #2.