How to Dissasociate, part 2: Try Harder

Jake is a dj in your town, only when you meet him in the square he not quite dj yet, but a pussy-chasing pothead who lives with his dad and has the best sense of humour ever. Better than all your drag queen friends, better than all the boys who were just out for your pants.

Jake you have known forever, like for three years. During this time, you’ve seen him learn to DJ, become a pot dealer, and have a kinky relationship with a woman who left him to join the air force; among other things. You also have watched his best friend date a handful of your friends, while he remained mostly girl-free, besides the hot lieutenant. It doesn’t seem to be his fault. He’s funny as hell, gets everyone high, and has good taste in music. He tells you about My Bloody Valentine and The Pixies. He’s ok, even if he’s not so hot. It’s not his fault, he’s just too round, and not in the tough guy way, in the lazy guy way—the way that leads you to believe that he might not be too agile or endurance minded. That’s it. He does have cute dreads in Mohawk formation, left over from his sucky goth days, but updated to look meticulously uncared for.

Jake's apartment moves, but the activites are pretty much the same. You end up there with an illicitly-gotten six pack one night after having not so much luck hitting on your smartest friend. It’d already been a long night. You were out with your friend Henry, and you drank beer with him and wrote bizzarist tracts on the nature of human desire. I.e. If I had a pig, I would fuck it. But the ground is long, and so the gonads are too short. And so forth. You are slightly drunk and he drops you off at your car, which is parked behind the internet café, The Hub. You feel a bit too wasted to drive—not like that ever stopped you before, but still—so you decide to visit your friend Jake who lives upstairs from the café. Since it’s open all the time, you are able to just walk on in and knock on his apartment door.

You go on up to his unfinished attic and he puts on some new records for you to check out. Boys are always doing this, showing you their technology, as if that’s what’s exciting to girls. Whatever, you stretch out on the couchbed and daydream a bit. But it's not so casual this evening, and Jake's moves on you are coming fast. That night you eventually fuck Jake, after drinking all the wine coolers, and not speaking a word. When he takes off your boots with his teeth, you begin to watch while floating from the corner of the room as they come off along with your 1970s slip that passed for a dress, your barettes and your three pairs of fishnets in various states of decay. Later you wonder who played who, considering that you weren't really there.

To step up your game and have a threesome with Jake and a random babe, try this.
To decide you need a little quality time to yourself, get your own apartment to hang in.